Why You Are Not As Happy As People Think You Are by Antonio Neves

Why You Are Not As Happy As People Think You Are

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Does everything on paper look right but something doesn’t feel right? Why you are not as happy as people think you are.

During the early part of my work as a coach and leadership speaker, I dedicated myself to helping young professionals experience career success. Then, over time, something interesting happened.

You see, the vast majority of emails and inquires that I receive aren’t from twenty-something young professionals asking for career advice. Nearly 100% of my coaching clients are 35 and older. And, over 70% of my speaking engagements are for senior managers, directors and executives.

The people I describe above are not entry-level young professionals. They are typically between the ages of 35 and 50 and in the midst of what most would consider successful careers.

What stands out with these talented people are the conversations that we have in e-mail exchanges, direct messages, coaching sessions or one-on-one after I give a talk.

All of the conversations seem to have one thing in common. They tend to go like this:

“On paper, it looks like I have it all figured out. I got my education. I have a successful career. I earn a good income. I’m married, we have a family, home…”

Then they pause, go silent or look away before they continue.

“However, something doesn’t feel right. I can’t put my finger on it but I regularly feel off balance. don’t feel as successful or happy as I look on Facebook or LinkedIn. I don’t have it all figured out. To top things off, more is expected of me than ever before in my life. People count on me. I don’t know what to do but I know what I’m doing isn’t it.

Typically, I ask if they have shared this with others. Nine times out of 10 the answer is no. They say they feel guilty for complaining about what most of their friends and family perceive as their great life. So, they keep their feelings locked inside in the dark.

I remember talking to one successful businesswoman in her early forties. She was married and the mother of two kids. She said something I’ll never forget:

“Sometimes I feel like I’m playing a role that I was cast into. One day I looked in the mirror and I hardly recognized the person that I have become.”

Most of the people I speak with feel stuck, unfulfilled or both. They are starting to question everything. The choices they made. The choices they didn’t make. The days they played it safe. The days they ignored their intuition. And the days they retreated from what was most important to them.

A powerful question I like to ask during these conversations is one that tends to catch people off guard: What did you originally set out to do with your life?

This stops people in their tracks. I can see them thinking and their brain searching for an answer. Trying to remember.

Most don’t have a clear answer. However, when they finally answer they share that what they do know is that what they’re doing today is not what they intended to do when they began life in the “real world.” Sure, they’re “successful,” but what they’re doing today was not the plan.

Is this you? Do you feel like you’re on a treadmill running in place in your successful career and life? Can you remember what you originally set out to do?

I’d love to hear from you in comments.

And something tells me you need to hear this: Remember, you have a choice. You always had a choice whether you were aware of it or not.

1 thought on “Why You Are Not As Happy As People Think You Are”

  1. Oh wow, there is so much I could relate with in this blog. I am that person that you mentioned ” One day I looked in the mirror and I hardly recognized the person that I have become.” I had set out on this path called “life” after high school and never dreamed it would end like this. I had all of these great ideas of what I wanted to be “when I grow up” and they definitely did NOT end the way I had planned. I knew I wanted to travel and see the world I just never knew how I was going to do it. I joined the United States Army right out of high school in 1990 and retired in 2011 after 21 years of service. It was the best choice I ever made in my life and I would go back in a New York minute. I made some of the best friends in my life and keep in touch with them to this date.
    However, I now feel like this, I keep my feelings locked inside in the dark. I feel stuck, unfulfilled or both. I question everything, like the choices I’ve made and the ones I didn’t. There are days I played it safe, and then their are days I ignored my own intuition. Where do I go from here??? No one wants to hire a 40 year old veteran and God only knows what they might suffer from. So where do I go from here??? Tell me that??
    Well my mind is perfectly fine and I don’t have a mental health diagnosis, so where do I go from here? What now do I want to do with my life. I gave Uncle Sam 21 years of it and now what?? That’s the problem our veterans are suffering today with. We have no direction to go to when we transition out of the military, we have to figure it all out. That is why so many veterans give up on life and career changes because we are so use to being lead by orders and commands. I did what I had set out for in life and had a great career. I just don’t want to be left out there abandoned and not appreciated for my military service. We have a voice too.

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HI, I'M YOUR HOST

I'm Antonio

I’m a success coach, podcaster and author of Stop Living On Autopilot: Take Responsibility For You Life & Rediscover A Bolder, Happier You. I’m a professional question asker and storyteller. I believe that the best thing to happen to you hasn’t happened yet.