Why It Threatens People When You Grow by Stop Living on Autopilot author Antonio Neves

Why It Threatens People When You Grow


Reset Your Life In 5 Days

As you begin to grow and stretch yourself, and stop living on autopilot, you may find yourself experiencing resistance from some of the people who know you best.

More than likely, it will start with subtle statements like:

“You’ve changed . . .”

“I remember when you used to . . .”

“You never would’ve done that before . . .”

Of course, you want to respond, “Yes, I have changed! You wanted me to stay the same?” 

In my experience – and why it threatens people when you grow – as you stretch yourself and do something positive in your life, you’ll sometimes encounter a passive-aggressive tension between you and those around you who aren’t also positively evolving in their lives.

For example, let’s say that you’re starting to make progress on your goals to lose weight, eat healthy, and work out more. As you start to see real, tangible results, it may seem like friends or family will start showing up out of the blue with desserts or the fast food that you’re working hard to avoid.

Or, say you’ve decided to step it up at your job and deliver above-average work. As you go above and beyond and begin to add tangible value and get recognized by management, colleagues may say things like, “Take it easy, you’re making the rest of us look bad.”

It can be challenging to make sense of all of this. 

What you know is that it doesn’t feel good. In fact, it’s frustrating as hell. 

This is sabotage, shaming, or bullying, intentional or not, from people who say they care about us.

Why does this happen? Why do haters, saboteurs, non-believers, and even our family and friends show up with daggers when we actually need their support the most? 

The answer is simple and not so simple. The hard truth is your growth threatens them.

This is because the forward momentum that you’re experiencing can make those around you feel like they’re being left behind in your dust. 

Your progress and boldness can hold up a full-length mirror to what others are not doing in their own lives. 

Your success causes them (and I’m sorry for this) to project their insecurities and fears onto you.

Sometimes your family and friends won’t understand or accept the choices you make.

At times, those closest to you may even attempt to make you feel guilty or give you a hard time. 

Of course, you’ll hear things like “I just want what’s best for you.”

Be wary when you hear this, because “I just want what’s best for you” can translate to: “I want you to stay exactly where you are in life so it’s easier for me to be fine with being unhappy in my own life and refusing to make any tough changes.”


The next time someone says, “I just want what’s best for you,” ask yourself if they actually want what’s best for you or for them. 

Don’t allow their immaturity and lack of consciousness to change the trajectory of the life that you’re working so hard to build.

On a side note, always remember that the right people will be inspired, not scared or intimidated, by your growth.

Surround yourself with people who are excited to see you win. This is how you stop living on autopilot.

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I'm Antonio Neves

I’m a success coach and the author of Stop Living On Autopilot: Take Responsibility For Your Life & Rediscover A Bolder, Happier You.  I help successful professionals make decisions and get unstuck.

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